A Father’s Diary

Being a father is great thing. So great that nothing on earth is perhaps better than being a father and raising your kids to be contributing members of the world.

But being a father comes with a price. One has to sacrifice a lot to be a good father. It’s more than just emotions. It takes a lot of planning and compromise. It’s no way an easy job. It might be one of the hardest jobs ever, because if you go wrong, it will impact the life of your child, which is worse than any financial loss.

Here are some of the ways fatherhood can impact your life. So make sure you understand those factors and are ready to face the challenges associated with it.

Financial Impact

Fatherhood is not only about feelings and emotions. It’s a lot about money as well. Cost of raising a child is often more than cost of living of an adult. That’s mainly because adults can adjust to their environment and control their spending accordingly. But baby’s needs are constant. No matter how frugal you are, it is very hard to avoid the costs associated with baby’s milk, diapers, clothes, medicines, vaccinations, toys, and so on. Even before the baby is born there are costs associated with mother’s medical examinations and childbirth. Stepping in the land of fatherhood means substantial increase in your budget for years to come.

If you are planning to be a father, make sure you calculate how much it is going to cost you, and that you can afford it properly. Check your medical insurance plan to find out how much of pregnancy and childbirth is covered under it. Research on good hospitals in your area and see how much they charge. I would recommend checking kindergartens and schools in your area as well and find out their fees. This will give you a long term picture of how your financial situation will look like after the baby is born. You also might need to upgrade to a bigger place if your current home doesn’t have ample space to cater for the needs of an infant or a toddler.

Once you have done the analysis, check your income and make sure having a baby will not put a major dent in your bank account. Consider all factors such as expected raise or promotion, or economic conditions of your region. If you can do something to increase your income such as switching a job or investing in alternate revenue sources, make sure you have analyzed all the risks associated with those, because unexpected loss of job or income can be disastrous for your family. It’s a good idea to save a few months expenses for such emergencies.

Lifestyle Changes

As long as you don’t have kids you are pretty much your own boss. You don’t have to worry about the needs of children. A major change the a new father has to go through is change in lifestyle. After becoming a father things don’t stay the same anymore. You have to take care of the baby (and the mother). You have to make sure they have everything they need. You have to give time to your kids, make sure they are getting the love of their father, give advise when needed, be there with them on their important occasions, and perform the regular fatherly duties. You might have to cut down spending money for personal needs to be able to afford the needs of the child. In short, you are no longer a couple free to do anything. You have to adopt your lifestyle to cater the needs of your kids.

So if you are planning to be a father, be ready to make these changes in life. If you think you cannot change the way you live, then it is recommended to postpone the fatherhood. It doesn’t make sense to bring a baby in this world and not give her the attention she deserves.

Relationship Impact

A major factor that is involved in fatherhood is relationship with the wife. The relationship starts getting effected as soon as the baby is conceived. A pregnant women is an emotional bomb. She can explode on minor things which otherwise would have gone unnoticed. It is the husband’s job to understand the state his wife is in and cope up with it. This is the time when she needs your support and love the most. You have to be with her for visits to the doctor. You have to go with her to shop for baby’s items. You have to talk to her and plan the subtle details of parenthood. The phase after the baby is born is also very important for the relationship. This is the time when the mother is busy attending to the baby, and as a result she might not be able to give the same attention to the father. It’s the father’s job to be considerate and not keep any unreasonable to expectations from the mother. She is after all a person and has limited capacity.

These are only few ways fatherhood can change your life. There are many other elements that come into play. Everyone’s situation is unique. What you need to think is that whether or not you are ready to face all those challenges associated with fatherhood. It’s not an easy job and it should not be taken easily. Proper planning and thought needs to go into it. If you think you are not up for the job, then don’t take it.

All the best to future fathers. I hope you enjoy the experience.

Tabi and her mom are gone for vacations, leaving me alone here.

I thought I will be able to live without them without any major issues, but it turns out that it’s not as easy as it seemed.

So now that tabi is not here, I miss her really bad (I miss her mother just as bad but that’s a topic for another post on another blog).

I miss coming back from office and picking her up and playing with her.

I miss the time she used to sleep on my shoulder.

I miss carrying her in the malls in the sling and sometimes just without any support.

I miss making her sleep in the mall so that her mom and I could sit and talk while sipping coffee at Starbucks.

I miss her googoos and gagas and all the funny sounds she makes.

She will be back in a month’s time and I plan to spend that time just missing her and thinking about how she is growing up and learning new things while she is away from her daddy.

Tabi had a cough and it was not going away for a few days. She was also throwing up frequently. So we took her to the doctor. That’s when we found out she had Acute Bronchiolitis. The doctor recommended to admit her in the hospital and start the treatment immediately. He said she could recover very rapidly in the hospital and be discharged in a couple of days, while at home it could take a week or so. That was around 10 at night.

So we got her admitted in the hospital, in a state of shock as we never imagined it would be something that serious. Nevertheless, the treatment started and the highlight of the treatment was Nebulizer every 6 hours, along with fluids and other medicines. So we stayed in the hospital with the baby all night, the entire next day and night. She was discharged the following morning, 36 hours after she was admitted. The recovery was indeed rapid. The doctor was happy with the progress and advised us to continue the medicines. Couple of hours later we were home as relieved parents.

Other than worrying about our child, we had nothing to do in the hospital. It was excruciatingly boring. Imagine a couple who is always up to something sitting in a hospital with nothing to do but look at their ill baby. It was kind of funny actually. We were worried inside but at the same time we were laughing and making jokes. It felt like we had gone somewhere for vacations. To make it really look like a vacation I brought my laptop from home and we watched a couple of movies while the baby was asleep.

It was a roller coaster weekend for us. At least we were able to make the most out of free time we had in our hands.

Ever since tabi has turned four months, her mama has been very keen on giving her solid food. She brings baby food in small bottles available in the stores, mostly fruits like apple, peach and so on. Surprisingly (or maybe not), she seems to enjoy the new taste. It’s such a delight to see her experiencing a new taste followed by smiling and laughing and expressing her happiness when she likes it. I have a feeling she is going to be fond of eating, which is good and bad depending how you look at it.

We can’t wait to find out her likes and dislikes in food.